Half an Hour a Day

I came to an epiphany a few weeks ago. While in church, the pastor turned a common phrase into a true pearl of wisdom when he told us, "the grass is always greenest where you tend it." At the time he was talking about marital fidelity, however I believe this has the potential for much more widespread applications, and one of the areas I was able to successfully apply it was with my son.

In trying to give my son what I did not have growing up, I have anxiety about not being around for my son - when leaving him and my wife to do anything. As a result, I rarely make plans before our son's bedtime and even then only with significant encouragement from my wife. However, being around does not necessarily mean involved.

Thinking the grass is greenest where it is tended, I stopped just trying to be 'around' and focused more on what I was doing. While I previously would be in the house, I would frequently be working, reading a book, playing video games, or watching TV.

Now, I have resolved to do at least one thing a day with my son - giving him my undivided attention for at least half an hour. Today, I played lightsabers with him in our back yard. Then, I read him books before bed. Yesterday was our first camping experience, but even then I still took him to the park.

This has paid off. Where previously I'd sit on the couch and get frustrated, I now take a more active role. I see that my warning signs are well known by both my wife and son, but also where I was getting frustrated previously, I'm now much more connected and able to not only work through my frustrations, but also help fix the issue (though, as I said, I previously was just around, so my very capable wife does not always need/want my help :).

I'm not sure how this is going to be affected with another child, however with the success I have had with my son, I have high hopes to continue this - and thereby remove one child from needing to be monitored by the woman who just gave birth - as well as integrate this in my time with my wife (this usually take the form of games of Monopoly Deal at lunch), and my soon to be born son.

One For Another

As we make room for a new member of the family, we run into the issue that the Mother of the Gremlin and I have been concerned about for quite some time:

Stuff.

The Gremlin's stuff is everywhere and it's hard to get rid of. We definitely wouldn't have had enough room for a baby if we had just left the Gremlin's room alone, so we began introducing the concept of decision making into the Gremlin's shopping habits.

We have started requiring the Gremlin to decide when he buys a new toy, on another toy that he will be willing to give up. With an even swap, we introduce the Gremlin to value, and help him consider how much he will enjoy the new toy vs another toy he might or might not play with.

This caused an interesting reaction. From the time we introduced this to him, the Gremlin tested the waters. He would still run up and get things, put them in the cart, and talk about playing with them and buying them, but when we asked him what toy he would want to give up, the Gremlin voluntarily put the 'new' toy back.

Until the Darth Maul lightsaber. The Gremlin has been enamored with Darth Maul ever since he saw the Star Wars Episode I, and he has been one of his favorite characters on the Star Wars Lego game. When the Gremlin found the double-sided lightsaber at the local thrift store, he was immediately sure he wanted it. He told the MOTG that he would decide on the toy when he got home, and it caused great heartbreak, but he was able to do it.

Not only has the amount of toys being requested now decreased, but the Gremlin was able to look critically at what he had and make a decision to give up one of those things. This is still amazing to me as this is the child who wouldn't share toys he didn't own as of three months ago.

Next comes the great room cleanup....